Time to stray from blue a little bit. Need some color up in here.
I’ve debated for a while whether or not I should talk to you again - my best friend, my sister, but I still don’t understand why you left me. I still can’t understand how one day we loved each other, laughed at each other, with each other; laughed at everything, and the next, nothing. Absolutely nothing. I thought I would be getting through this next stage of my life with you, where I would find myself and you yourself and we would share that.
We could have found each other, laughed about it, cried about it. There’s no one in this world I have ever trusted as much as I trusted you. I would give my life for you if you were to ever need it. This was true friendship.
It still hurts to see you have fun with others while I sit here, with these new ‘friends’. But they’re not the same kind of friends. Not even close. They’re not my sisters or brothers. They’re just people I have something in common with. They’re not you. It’s not enough.
I miss my best friend. I miss knowing someone out there loved me as much as I loved them in a way I can’t even love my own blood sisters. This was way beyond that. True sisters, the ones you choose. The only ones worth living with.
Every night I sit in bed thinking about how much fun we used to have, regardless of where we were and what time it was. I don’t know if I can ever recover from this, because you’re gone and you’re not. You’re here, but so far away. And I miss you so much.
I just hope that one day, you’ll come back to me and my life can be complete again because I sure as hell can’t go through everything alone.
I can’t live with this hole in my heart forever. I can’t keep ignoring the feeling of missing the best friend I ever had. I can’t keep thinking ‘oh, she’d like this’ every I see something I just know you would love. I can’t do it.
I don’t want to.
It’s been almost two years I think. Hell if I know. It’s been too long. I’ve lost track. Everything became irrelevant once I had no one to share it with. No one can ever compare to you.
Maybe I just need to get over this. Somehow.
I’m terrified (and that’s putting it lightly) to tell you how I feel about you.